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Let's face it kids, you all missed the fatty fat fatty, did you not?

As you all know, today is (part of) Fat Tuesdayweek.  I'm sure there's some of you out there trying to get in shape, or already superior physical specimens out there saying to yourselves today, "Oh dear lordy bee, I had me-self a half a paczki and I feel soo bay-ad."  Meanwhile in America's High Five State, a man is running the gauntlet of every bad food he can tap into for the week before the clock strikes midnight and Lent begins, and it's all over for him (and running season seems to truly begin). 

Sure, I've had a good start to the year, but Fat Tuesday is a tradition, so I'm sticking with it.  A few years ago, I started stretching it out to a week Tuesday-Tuesday, because trying to fit all my favorite horrible things into one day is impossible and digestively aggravating.  Let's see what's on the board...

February 14th/7th Annual FVD Holiday Extravaganza
This requires a back-story.  I'll try to be brief.  In 2006, I got tired of being depressed on Valentine's Day.  The 14th is dad's death anniversary (2003), so if I wasn't alone on that day, usually my sh*tty attitude would make it so, and after already doing it twice, I wasn't about to just let that cloud hang over my head for life.  I called up a couple single bros and left them voicemails basically saying, screw (we used a more vulgar word) the holiday for making single people feel like a group of society's defectives and making us cower in our homes, let's go out to the bar.  We went out to the loft, we owned that bar for that night (much like we owned any bar in those days), and thus began FVD and this idea that we were the "undisputed 'Kings' of this town." 

Now that we're old, and that title has passed, two things from that night still remain:  the pledge that we'd celebrate together on that day, single or not, and not bail on our friends and when we say goodbye, we count the number of us out on our hands in unison and throw those fingers up on the top of our heads as a crown.  I think initially it started off as a cynical anti-love thing for a few of us, but it's grown into more of an inclusive thing that everyone looks forward to.  My wife secretly still gets her flowers, and dinner, and she gets drinks of top of it.  We usually end up doing more with our friends that night than we'd ever do by ourselves.  I think it's become a really nice tradition, and, no, we're not out trying to ruin anything for you mushy couples...it's never been about that, even though you may look over and realize we're having more fun than you.  Also we've made matching T-Shirts since the 2nd one, which usually turns out to be either awesome or a total nightmare.  This is because we never plan a thing ahead ever, and get the whole thing, including the design, together after work.

2012 Logo

My Wife's FVD card to me. It pretty much ruled my universe, much like her.

Anyway, chalk me up for a huge burger at Ashley's in Ann Arbor (first time we took this show outside of Flint or Detroit).  They have half the world on tap so I had a St. Feuilliien/Green Flash Biere De L'Amitie , two Founders All Day IPAs, and a Primordial Porter.  Then I finished up my shoestring fries with my wasabi sauce.

Feb. 15th
Hello buy one get one BK Chicken sandwich...two original please...

Feb 16th
I forgot and I ate healthy...stupid, stupid, stupid

Feb 17th
BK chicken again, originals again.  Ate both slow enough to realize they now taste a little like ground cardboard.  Then some night time rice krispie treats made by yours truly.

Feb 18th
It was my last pre-Lent chance to test this Five Guys place.  I still have never been to one and there was one within striking distance of the beer run my wife and I were on.  So we stopped and each of us got a burger and split a fry and a diet Barq's.  Cajun fries are good, but nothing you can't make at home, and the burgers are good, but it's about the same as a Halo Burger only thinner and taller.

Cajun

After the Five Guys, we had our "Super Boris Funtime Party," watching Russian-themed movies while trying to purge the excess wedding vodka.  We managed to kill a bottle of Smirnoff, and drank a few Russian/Ukrainian beers that we realized had been expired for over a year but bought anyway.  The beer store must not move Russian beer too often.  I also realized I may have missed my calling as a bartender.

Small Carnage

Feb 19th
Sunday was Lucky's with my wife, brother, and sister for lunch.  So it was chicken parmesan, side of alfredo, and a lot of Dr. Peppers.

Then I picked up some Kroger Jammed Cookie Dough ice cream later that night.
Feb 20th
I finally had my first Taco Bell of the year.  24 total layers of burrito (two 7's, two beefy 5's)

Then, for dinner, it was time to raise the red roof...

My wife, her dad, and I destroyed a large onion and green pepper pizza, 22 wings, and a 5 piece breadstick.  Oh, and then a few hours later I knocked out a package of pizza rolls.

Fat Tuesday
After yesterday I couldn't even think about eating until maybe noon.  I've since made up some ground, and here comes the grand finale:

*Finalized Results*
2 Bavarian Creme Paczkis
1 16" Big John Steak and Cheese
A 5 mile run with Jason........wait, what the hell?  Didn't you just eat a lot of food?  Yes, but I am not human.
2 McDoubles
10 piece Chicken Nugget
2 pints of ale
48 oz of Coca-Cola
1 giant size Mallo Cup 4 pack
1 Raspberry Paczki
2 Tater Tots (yep just two)
A handful of gumballs
1 12 oz bottle Founders Dirty Bastard

...and that's it for the time being.  I will update if there's any more, but I feel semi-pregnant and there is no room at the food inn, so I figured I'd write you all and give you the food collapse that you all so missed.  Especially since this year I'm going to get very serious and snap back into gear tomorrow, when I magically turn into a very healthy, helpful, and contributing individual.  I also tend to enter what the Brewers called "Beast Mode" last year about this time.  First up on the hit list is probably the Corktown Race.  I will see you all on the other side.

Oh, and Friday we're going to bring home our Corgi puppy.  His name is "Renfield."

Renfield two weeks ago

Fuzzy Super Bowl XLVI Memories

After waking up incredibly early for 7am mass and running into my little brother there, with both of us wondering why the other was up so early on a Sunday morning, I made it back to my place to put some finishing touches on preparing the house for the big game.

The night before, with most of the work done, my wife and I marvelled at our house's cleanliness and wondered why we only get it this clean before we know people are coming to totally trash the joint.  I got home from church, and crawled back in bed with the girl and the kitten for a bit, until she got up for work.  Then I woke up, brewed some coffee and flipped on the stereo to shuffle some Velvet Underground, The Who, Hall & Oates, Steely Dan, and a few others while I finished dishes, sweeping, mopping, and vacuuming up the joint.

I moved the extra couch into the living room to provide the stadium seating, and just sat around enjoying the clean house and the music.  It was past 1pm, and I was going to flip the basketball game on as soon as anyone got there, but I was just enjoying the music, the coffee, and the clean house too much to part with it before I had to.  Nick finally showed, we cracked a few Molsons, and we turned it on, and it was pretty lopsided in MSU's favor.  Ken, his nephew, and brother-in-law showed up and brought the huge meat and cheese tray, and some hard ciders, and mike showed up with some more beer and dip.  The party was officially on.

I had Mike and Jeff help a friend of mine with his resume over a Sierra Nevada Ruthless (Rye IPA) and after that I just kind of popped into floating host mode, going around and talking to everyone.  I bounced around for a while, had a couple Founders Dirty Bastards, and then went back with Mike and Jeff and had a ceremonial run on the Arcadia Shipwreck Porter.  Then we jumped into the Atwater Vanilla Java Porter that I had loved and talked up so much.  Only this time, At-Water once again lived up to their name and it tasted like flavored watery crap.  I usually hate every beer they make, but this WAS good for the first two batches I had, and I'm hoping they haven't ruined it for good.  Only time will tell.  I made some guacamole, and bounced around a bit more, had some of Jen's enchilladas, made a store run with Jen and Jeff to get more enchillada materials, and came back with New England finishing up a long drive shortly before halftime.

The score was 10-9 at the time.  I was barely watching the game, and I couldn't really care less about Madonna and whoever those other people were, so I don't know if the halftime show was good or not.  Also, I can honestly say I don't remember a single commercial from last night either, and I don't think that all can be blamed on 6.6%, 8.5%, and 12.0% ABV beers.  I just wasn't engaged by the game, and it didn't seem like anyone else was either.  There was no cheering for TDs, no laughing at commercials, and not a lot of craziness going on at all. 

I think the majority wanted the Pats to win, but I think everyone figured the G-men would win, and whatever happened just brought out very little reaction across the board.  I spent more time in conversations than the game.  I would put my watch total for the thing at maybe 20­±5 minutes.  It was just more engaging for me to be talking to people, getting things for them, showing them where things are, and just trying to be Mr. Hostman than sitting in a chair watching a game I didn't care too much about.  I mean, did New Yorkers and New Englanders need any more reason to puff themselves up than they already do?  I didn't think so.  Either way, one of them was going to become even more intolerable. 

Most of the second half, I spent realizing that my head was a little fuzzy and I started rehydrating and getting some absorbent food in me.  Before I knew it, I'm looking at the clock, and just before 10:00pm, the whole thing's over.  This had to be one of the faster Super Bowls ever.  Also, my entire house was empty by 10:30pm.  Nobody lingered or spent the night, and the house wasn't even all that messy.  It was pretty incredible. 

I spent most of my lunch break trying to tally calories from my memory bank of the night instead of actually eating food (because I was still full), and I blasted way past that 2,500 average they quote for the average Super Bowl consumption by a person.  I'm looking at something more like 5,000-6,000 and probably over 2,500 just for the drinks.

Super Fatty Sabotage Island

Disclaimer:  This is a true story.  The events of this blog (namely the food part) has not been exaggerated for dramatic purposes.

First thing you need to know is that Jessi was tubing with some girls and I was left unsupervised here with no real grand plans for the weekend.  My goal:  to keep as occupied as possible.  Now, most men I'm sure would love a little time away from their lady to cut loose, but we have so much fun together and, unlike many women I hear about (exaggerated I'm sure), she has no desire to stop me from having fun and enjoying life.  So when she's gone, if I try to think "Well if I have time to myself I can do _______," I don't really come up with much that's worth doing.  In fact the only things that I can really do while she's gone that I can't while she's here fall in three boring categories:  comics, guy movies, and video games.  I like those things, but I'm not lame enough to drop an entire weekend (or more than 4 hours collectively) on them.

I needed company.  So I had Joe come over and we drank some beer and hard cider while watching the Tigers.  

Unfortunately he bailed on me due to some sort of personal drama, and I got left alone.  Not long after that I had the most epic fast food meltdown.  Maybe it was the slight low blood sugar from the alcohol (which wasn't all that much for a 5+ hour span), maybe it was boredom, or maybe I just lashed out with food the way pets lash out at a house when you leave them alone.  Either way, I was knee deep in fast food from two places right before bed on the eve of a race.

The total carnage?


Taco Bell
2 - 7 Layer Burritos
2 - Beefy 5 Layer Burritos
1 - Cinnamon Twist
1 - 32 oz Baja Blast

Ok...now that that's out of the way...What?...More?...How is that humanly possible?


McD's
4 - Mcdoubles (not a misprint)

Yeah tally the callys if you want.  I already have.  It makes my heart sad (just like the spackling of my arteries from this did at the time).

I woke up the next morning still full, and pretty sickly feeling as well.  I still managed to get rolling (not literally), and made it out of the door.  I made the drive down to Detroit's Belle Isle and parked for the race.  Every time i go to Belle Isle, I realize it's been too long since the last time I've been there.  It's not really right near downtown, and it's easy to forget about, but as far as city park's go, it's pretty wonderful.

Scott Fountain

Detroit, Windsor, and the Ambassador Bridge

These are two of the several nice views of the city from Belle Isle.  There's a lot more on the island itself, even inland there are small lakes and ponds all over, not to mention a small nature zoo, museum, and a casino.  There's even a yacht club, which pretty much shatters the stereotype that nobody in the city has any money.  It's also a lot more laid back than most city parks.  There aren't any overly stringent rules that hinder the park's experience, and you can grill, have a brew, set up a volleyball net, and go about your day.  I really would love to lobby to have our family reunions there, but people are still afraid of Detroit.

As far as the race itself.  When it started at 8:30, I was still digesting burritos.  I felt like ass, and off the start my legs weren't worth a darn.  I never felt worse for a race in my life and this 10K nearly wrecked me.  During the loop around the island, I nearly threw up twice.  It was just over 80 degrees at the start, and it was direct sun all the way around.  I didn't even feel like I had a decent pace going until the thing was almost over.  Even after, I felt like this lion.

I Feel You, Buddy

I never did stop to walk, but my time was still crappy by my new standards (1:03:39), and it took a while to get my bearings.  So I went back to the car for a bit, and sat and drank some water, and took this photo of me being disgusted.

Ick

Then I took some more pictures, and decided I was going to go swimming.  Of course everyone's heard all the horror stories of the Detroit River, but they've done a lot to clean up the place, especially after 2005.  The water was clear and the beach was clean, so I went for it.

The result:

A Much Happier and Cooler Me!

Of course while I was doing this I was supposed to be getting tickets for the Tigers game for my friends and my phone blew up with them freaking out.  I was supposed to call them and let them know our status by 11:00, but I didn't get around to it until 1:00.  I was too busy enjoying water, and the scenery.  They can wait.  Besides, they should know by now I'm not dependable when it comes to a timeline.  Besides, I also had to take a walk through the city drinking a Blue Faygo and take a picture of it for no reason.



I Love Faygo (and wardrobe changes apparently).
 The shirt (in case you're wondering) says
"Chicago's 3 Greatest Disasters:  The Fire, The Flood, The Sox".

 We did go to the game, though.  After that I went to Steely Dan at the Fox Theatre, and I didn't get home until 1am.  So I had a full day and I kept myself out of trouble (other than the 3 PBR's Mike talked me into at the game...not large ones, just the 12ers). Jessi got back Sunday, and I've been running and dieting off the Friday binge ever since.  I still don't think I've made up for it.  I'm not sure what can, but I think running in heat advisories the last two days in 90+ temps is a start. 

That's a Pretty Full Day